The Biggest Misconceptions About Grief

When it comes to dealing with grief, we’re a lot more resilient than we think we are.  According to Time magazine, a lot of our beliefs about grief come from psychiatrist Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who called grief a "process" – and defined the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  These stages have sometimes been misunderstood.  We will attempt to offer some clarity:

1. The biggest misconception is: We have to grieve in stages.  A new study in Journal of the American Medical Association found that most people accepted the death of a loved one from the very beginning, not at the end.  Instead of the "expected" anger or depression, they reported more of a "yearning" for their absent loved one.
2. Grief must be expressed instead of repressed?  The fact is: Expressing anger and other negative emotions can actually prolong your grief.  A study found that those who avoided confronting the loss of a spouse or child were less depressed and anxious two years later, and had fewer health complaints than those who "worked through" their grief.
3. Grief is harder on women?  That idea came from a study in the early 1970's, when women relied more on their husbands for their sense of identity and financial security.  In fact, many were full-time homemakers who didn't even know how to drive.  In a more recent study, men and women were about even.
4. Grief never ends?  Researchers today say that the worst grief is usually over in about six months.  The bereaved still missed their spouse or child, but they function normally.